Contractor Cuts
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Contractor Cuts
Staying Motivated and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome in the lonely world of Contracting
Clark and James tackle the pervasive feelings of isolation and imposter syndrome that plague many contracting business owners, offering practical advice for breaking free from these destructive patterns.
• Text messages and emails from struggling contractors reveal the emotional toll of the business
• Constant criticism from customers, vendors, and sometimes family members creates a uniquely isolating environment
• Most contractors "fall backwards" into the industry rather than choosing it as a dream career
• Imposter syndrome typically appears when facing new challenges or comparing yourself to more experienced contractors
• Creating healthy internal dialogue can combat self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy
• Therapy provides clarity about why you think and act certain ways, offering practical paths to improvement
• Setting clear work-life boundaries through client engagement agreements protects mental health
• Scheduling time with friends and family outside the industry helps combat isolation
• Finding mentors and community is crucial for perspective and growth
• Setting realistic goals with bite-sized steps prevents overwhelm and builds confidence
• Reprioritizing family and personal relationships over business prevents burnout and maintains purpose
If you need 30 minutes of Clark's time with no obligation, visit prostruct360.com to schedule a call.
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Welcome to Contractor Cuts, where we cover the good, the bad and the ugly of growing a successful contracting company.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Contractor Cuts. My name is Clark Turner and I'm James. Thanks for joining us again. So today we are talking about overcoming imposter syndrome and breaking out of feeling so lonely in this industry. It's a heavy one, you're okay. We got some.
Speaker 1:You all right, yeah yeah, you just kind of hit like a.
Speaker 2:Have you been reading my diary? I don't know what's going on. No, I think it's funny. I want to cover this one because I deal with a lot of contracts. Even in the busiest seasons there is like this how do I stay motivated? I feel like I'm on an island. Within the past two weeks, I've got a text message from a guy that just started saying finances are failing. Every night, my wife is telling me I'm not going to make it, emailing my. Every night my wife is telling me I'm not gonna make it. Uh, I, uh, it was a full of just like I don't know if I'm gonna do it. I don't know, even if I quit, I don't know what I do to make like, just pouring it out, like can you please help me? Absolutely that.
Speaker 2:I got an email from another guy. It was after our first session and it was hey, I really appreciate I was really at the 99th yard of quitting. Like I, I am tired of being in an industry that I get, you know, beat up by my customer, beat up on my like I come home beaten up every single day, five days a week, like this isn't worth it. And then she doesn't believe in me either. Yeah, well, that's, that's the. That was the first guy, but yeah it was I mean it.
Speaker 2:It's rough, it's rough and it's it's a reality for a lot of people. Uh, and I think it's when you're in this industry, you've got customers that beat you up over price, over quality, over finish over. I'd say I'd be there at 8 am and I got there at 8 03 and they're yelling at me. Uh, you got vendors and and subs and labor beating you up because they want to get paid more and do less and you didn't tell me about that and I'm not covering that, and I go find someone else or they just go like it's.
Speaker 1:And then you come home and sometimes and your kids are like how are your timelines?
Speaker 2:But you come home and your wife's yelling You're like not all of us have that. But there's, where do you go in this industry? Like why is it so lonely and so isolating? I mean, why are any of us doing it? Yeah, no, legit. Like most guys fall backwards into this cause that's what they, their dad did, or they need to make some money after high school or after college. So I started doing it and I was good at it and I just kind of moved my way up. So I thought I'd go out on my own. And now I'm on my own. I wish I could go backwards. Like there's a lot of those stories where no one's like it's a small percentage of of 18 year olds. Like, you know what I want to do? My dream own a construction company, right?
Speaker 1:Like it's, it's almost like well, I've just lived this life and this is where I'm staying, yeah, Uh. So you know, when you talk with some people and you're like how you doing, man, and they're like living the dream, yeah, Whenever that's a construction person, I'm like what is your dream?
Speaker 2:Tell me more about your dream.
Speaker 1:You living the dream? Yeah, I'd like it to be true.
Speaker 2:A large portion of this industry, whether it's trades, whether it's residential or even commercial side of things new construction, renovate, whatever it is A lot, of, a lot of the labor. Guys especially are living for beer on Friday, like it's. There's not a motivation to grow because they've they've probably been like that candles been put out right, the you're early to mid twenties and it's like I'm going to, I'm going to grow this thing to 10 million, 50 million, 100 million, and then you get into it three years later you're making less than you made in year one.
Speaker 1:This isn't new, though, because the guy that I was working for when I was a greenie trades guy right out of college, yeah, I remember asking him like how did you get into this? And he's like don't, don't Run, don't get in Like the Billy Madison.
Speaker 2:I remember asking him like how did you get into this? And he's like don't, don't run, don't get in, like the Billy Madison, stay as long as you can.
Speaker 1:That was hike school Billy.
Speaker 2:That on top, layered on top of that, and what we're covering also today is imposter syndrome. I think there's a lot of guys that come into this industry or, as you're trying to grow to the next level, you've never done it and you're around the guy that's been doing it for 20 years and so he's using terms you've never heard and you're like uh-huh I'm gonna Google that later what that means, right and so there is a lot of imposter syndrome that you're feeling, when in fact, we've all felt it, we've all been there. We've all been there. We've all had those feelings and it's a matter of what am I telling myself from that? Where am I going from that? How how do I get past that? How do I grow beyond that? And how was that? Like that's okay to live in, that, like that's a good spot to be when you haven't done something. But how do we go from I'm an imposter to I'm new at this? I'm gonna figure it out Right and mentally shift that. So that's today's.
Speaker 2:If you don't struggle with either one of those things, listen and help a buddy, but for the most part, I think a lot of guys in construction these are. There are seasons where this gets heavy. There are seasons where it gets lighter, but even on the light seasons, I think there's times that you're laying in bed at midnight saying what am I doing? Why am I doing this? How am I going to? How am I going to pay? My wife wants to take the kids to Disney. I can't even pay the bills. And so how do we get beyond that mentally as well as physically, with people and that so opening with that reality? Really, james, how do you and I mean we've talked about this before, we've all had this struggle how in the past, have you recognized imposter syndrome? Like what? How does it manifest as a contractor coming out and like when it starts boiling up, and how do you identify it and what kind of? What are those feelings within it?
Speaker 1:I think, um, whenever you engage in something new that's even a little bit outside of your comfort zone Like maybe it's not an, maybe it's not like this initial, I just landed this job and, um, I already feel this imposter syndrome. It might not, might not be that it might be you're excited, you know it's new, you know it's a new endeavor and that's kind of exciting. But then you run up against your first roadblock yeah, the first thing that you forgot, the first thing that you didn't know to think of. And then it sets in on you. Yeah, it's like a cloud.
Speaker 2:Or self self doubt, or doubt put on you from outside sources. I had no business. I had no business being in this.
Speaker 1:I had no business taking this job. I had no business telling this client I could execute for him. How do I get out of this now? How do I create such a small footprint that this person forgets and I forget about the whole scenario? Uh, that is a very slippery slope. Yeah, and really the only way to, I feel like fight. That is like you have to. You have to and this is pot calling the kettle black you have to create good internal dialogue. Yeah, it's like the first time you hear that negative voice. It's like, hmm, that's true, I am new at this, but history has shown me that I can do it. I've done it. I've done it. I've worked under people to do this. There are probably things that I don't know, but there's also things I don't know about the stuff that I'm really good at and I can do in my sleep. That doesn't mean I'm an imposter. It means that I'm opening myself up to new things and there's going to be a learning curve.
Speaker 1:I think the tricky thing is in where you can get. You can't lie. Someone's like hey, have you done this before? And you say yes, yeah, that's not good. You, you, you, really you can't. I wouldn't lie about stuff like that. The way that I would approach like if, hey, this is a new endeavor for you and you're picking up a new job and it is something that you haven't really done before and a client asks you that, straight up you can say no, I've not done this exact thing before. This is the type of work that I have done that makes me feel like I have everything that I need to be able to execute this. I've got this, I've got this, I've done this Really, this project here's how I see it going together. Here's the steps. Show them what you know and let them make that decision. That is a risky endeavor. You might lose that job and they might say I'm not comfortable with that and that's okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, like first new construction job like so, show me some other houses. Well, I'll be honest, I've done a lot of additions to. To be totally honest, additions are 10 times harder than new construction. New construction is is Legos. It's putting following a game plan, planning it out and putting it together. A renovation with an addition on it is the same thing. But you're tying into an old house with a lot of problems, so there's another layer of problems and so, honestly, like, shifting over to new construction is an easier shift for us to where it's kind of low hanging fruit yeah Right, that. For us to where it's kind of low hanging fruit yeah Right, that sort of.
Speaker 2:I'm not lying to them, saying I've done it before. I'm not saying I've never done this and I'm scared about it, but it's a justification why I'm good and you can pick me and my experiences. But I've, yeah, I mean it's, it's, this is one of our first full new construction. I mean, if you consider additions, kind of new construction, then I've done it tons of times. Yeah Right, stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's, there's ways to show your value without needing to perjure yourself in terms of what you're capable of or what you've done in the past. Yeah, but that's really one side of the imposter syndrome. I think what you're kind of touching on is, day in, day out, the stuff that I'm doing and the stuff that I'm always doing. I'm doing, and the stuff that I'm always doing, I'm feeling like I mean, honestly, it gets to the point where it's like what is it? Even the? I'd rather I'd rather go get a job at Kinko's and manage a Kinko's store, because it's so clear and present what you need to do.
Speaker 2:I think the hand in hand of loneliness and depression almost with imposter syndrome is. I think imposter syndrome mentally keeps you in the same spot, and being in the same spot year over year, over a year causes you to be like I'm a failure, I'm not growing, I'm not changing. Um, and, and that's where the, the, loneliness, victim mentality and so like like.
Speaker 2:I remember you know, talking about, like, listening and trying to figure out why you're feeling what you're feeling. I I remember graduating high school, going to college, graduating college, my first year out of college I started this. This construction company pro serve was 2006. Um, I remember going back to a high school function like a homecoming or something. There was a teacher that I liked. We were friends. He was kind of a jerk, but I wasn't good at school. I can beat you at Jeopardy, I can't beat you on a test, I'm just not that mindset. He was kind of a jerk, but like a flirty kind of jerk. He, a few years later, he married after we graduated. He married one of the students as soon as she graduated. So I nailed it, you nailed it. So, yeah, beyond flirty uh. So, that being said, I remember their names. Should we call the? Uh? I'll tag him in this and send it to him online. No, mr Creepy Pret. Yeah, anyways, I remember going back.
Speaker 2:I was at this homecoming and he was like so what are you doing? You graduated, right, what are you doing now? I was like I actually just started a company, a construction company. He was like you are starting a company and I was like, yeah, he was like, are you sure? And I was like, yeah, he was like, are you sure? And I was like like what? What do you say that? Like, yes, I'm sure. Like what do I? I mean at that point? I'm like I mean, you're marrying a student and anyone can do it, like like anything's possible. But we all have dreams. But but again, it was like why am I like what don't know anything about certain I don't know running a company I don't know anything Like? And it starts you down that like self doubt line of like the outside influence. That's really confirming the voices that you have in the back of your head. That's like I thought it was just like me being scared, but other people see it too. Oh man Right.
Speaker 1:Well, that goes to show you when you're talking to young people. Don't do that.
Speaker 2:Don't touch or pop dreams. Yeah, anyways, that sort of outside influence I think gets your brain going in the way of like, yeah, I shouldn't do that. I see a lot of guys stuck in the field like stuck in wearing tool belt because I can't man it, like I don't want to try to sell myself, I'll just be a sub my whole life because, like dealing with a homeowner and I like I couldn't do that Right, and so all of this. I have one guy that I'm actually flying out of town next week to go. He's hiring his first project manager. He's on our executive level, so I come out and help the hires do on onboarding. I'm like on there in their C-suite with them, helping them grow the company.
Speaker 2:He literally when he started with two years, a year and a half ago, he was like I was like when are you gonna make your first hire? Five, six years from now? Why, I don't, I don't know how to manage people. That's okay. Like, why, why are you waiting that long? I mean I don't have the business. Well, let's, let's do a game plan, let's lay it out, let's figure it out. It's all math on figuring out money and when you can make a hire, how do we get the clients? And so we kind of laid out the path.
Speaker 2:He's been on two to two different retreats with us and now he's making this first hire right, his first real outside hire, outside hire, and it's it's, it's the the growth of understanding and having someone say hey, you can do this, like there are steps. If you check the boxes, it is a bet and a risk. Let's make it a very safe bet and a very safe risk. You could fail at it, you're right, you absolutely could fail at it. But you're going to fail if you don't like you need, like you need, you're going to be stuck in this spot. You've got the jobs You've got. I mean, he's got four to five months of pipeline and he's got another 10 to 20 large scale, six figure jobs waiting behind it, just that he hasn't bid yet. I'm like, bro, we got to get more. Like let's capture this. And it's like, well, you know he wants to. It's just that that not self doubt, but like I just almost imposter syndrome. I just I'm not. I don't have a big company. Well, yeah, we're getting there.
Speaker 2:You will give it a couple of years, we're going to have a big company. You were killer, you're awesome. You, you sell. Well, you have a really good product. You got really good crews you follow. Like has he had all of the tools needed to be able to grow, except for the? You're good? It's on, you're good, what the heck? Anyways he? It is those type of people that I'm. I just want to shake and be like who told you that you couldn't do this? Like, why? Like, where did you start believing? And and it goes. I mean like, was it Mr Creepy Pred?
Speaker 1:It was creepy. Did Mr Creepy Pred tell you this?
Speaker 2:He had the same teacher in high school. No, no, no. But again, I mean not to go too deep into the therapy side, but it's like a lot of this starts as kids. A lot of this starts with what your dad and mom told you. A lot of this starts with not having a dad around or a mom around to tell you you're doing good A lot of it.
Speaker 1:I mean, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Like there's a lot of this is deep, deep rooted self doubt and self feelings that it's like and I'm not saying this guy was that way, I'm saying in general there is a time and a moment that you stop believing that you could do something when you actually can. Right, and so, honestly and again, we'll keep going through this. I'm not pitching coaching, but that's my favorite part of being a coach is like identifying that guys and also like, hey, you're not good at this, so we're either going to hire for it or we're going to stay away from that. We're not going to do it and I'll. I'll tell you what you're not good at and I'll tell you what you're really good at. And let's build your company that makes up for your weaknesses and doubles down on what your strengths are. And so that alone I think.
Speaker 2:When I'm looking at guys in this industry who have the imposter syndrome that leads into the loneliness and I'm on an island, I feel like there's a lot of things that they can be doing right now to take one step, and I think part of the problem is they see step 100 and they're like I'm never going to get there. I need to get to step right, and I think part of it, part of the problem, is they see step 100 and they're like I'm never going to get there. I need to get to step 100 and it's like, no, we've got 99 steps to take before you're there and that's okay, but I need you on step two and step three and step four. That's all we need to be doing right now, like well, I've my, my buddy, and we start at the same time and he's on step 100, like that's great, that's, that's fine, you're not, let's get you there. You can get there, let's take those steps there. But it's step two through 99 that they just are lost in and just kind of overlook and don't see, and so they're stuck here. I can't get out of it. I'm terrible at what I do. I'm not bringing home any more money. I've got three new kids that when I started this I had no kids, right, like my expenses are growing but my income's not. What's going on?
Speaker 2:So, anyways, going back into it, coping strategies, right, practical ways to combat the imposter syndrome side of it. I think number one is therapy. Right, both James and I have been through therapy. We've continued to go through therapy. It is a spot that is not for weak people but for strong people that want to get stronger. And you know I'm a I'm a huge advocate. It saved my marriage. It changed who I am. It's.
Speaker 2:It is something that finding a good therapist finding any therapist right that that is is going to hold a mirror up, is going to call you on who you are truly and who you're not, and really kind of help sort through why you're thinking the way you're thinking. For me it it when I was scared to go originally and I was like I'm not doing that stuff. It was because it felt like oh, they're all just feelings and mumbo jumbo Like, but the truth of it is they're like I'm going to show you some puzzle pieces to show why the final product is this way, right, and it's like. So let's talk about these puzzle pieces. And the more clarity I have I mean I'm more math brained, like equation oriented and the deeper I got into therapy, the more I was like oh, this is a puzzle, this is, this is an of just. It doesn't justify why I'm the way I am, but it gives me a roadmap to say, oh, that that's why I am and this is how I fix it.
Speaker 2:As opposed to. I'm just a loser. I don't know how to do that. I'm not organized, I don't like. Well, why, let's look into that stuff.
Speaker 1:It's like when you're it's like when you're sick or you've got like some type of like persistent pain or some weird thing going on physically. Yeah, knowing what that is, it makes everything. It makes it manageable, yeah. But when it's just like it could be this, it could be that, it could be, I could have, I could have lupus, yeah, like that's a scary, uh, that's like a scary train to be on.
Speaker 2:Turns out you're lactose intolerant. Stop eating cheese.
Speaker 1:Yeah Right, it's like oh okay, okay, so I can fix this, I can work on this Same thing with therapy.
Speaker 1:When you get into this spot where it's like you'll have these moments of like, I'm freaking crazy. Whoa, yeah, that makes so much sense. Yeah, and now I can kind of like be more kind to myself and not like, well, the reason you're this way is that. So it's okay. It's like, oh, that's why that thing is okay. Okay, I don't have to do that, that's just my how I'm, how I'll lean every time in conflict. I'm just going to lean this way every time. I need to be aware of that, and that's why it's so helpful, not just in relationship, but in like your own self-talk and how you go about the world and interact with people. The cash register, it changes that for you.
Speaker 2:I had a. I had a guy that I was coaching. That was you know him, so I'm not we won't bring names into this, obviously but he was explosive. He was a drill sergeant. He was a do as I say, not as I do Ex-cop, just hard on relations, like not a high emotional intelligence on him in terms of relating to people, Like he was fun when he was, when things were good, and then no one would bring him bad news Cause he would just scream it at him, Right.
Speaker 2:And so I told him I was like hey, man, have you considered like finding like a therapist and just like talking and trying to figure out why you go from zero to a hundred in two seconds, Like I think you understanding why you do will help you, not do it? And his answer was that's just who I am, but that's that's who I am, that's who, like, there's no changing that, that's what I am, that's who I am. And I'm like sure I'm not saying that's not who you are, but wouldn't you like to know why? And then maybe, like when you don't want to be that way, like, but he never got, he didn't want to be like, he was like that's fine, that's just if people didn't piss me off, then don't piss me off, yeah Right, and and.
Speaker 2:But if you see yourself in a way of like I don't like that about me, Great, let's fix it. Don't just wallow in it and be self pity and play the victim role of I'm just that way you know like you can fix anything. You really can fix anything when it comes to what you don't like about yourself. It's just a matter of doing it doing the hard work that you got to do, sorting through the baggage that you were given for the last however many years you've been alive and being like that's okay, that's stuff that I've dealt with. That's what I'm going through.
Speaker 1:But yeah, speaking of fixing yourself, I'm getting the leg lengthening surgery.
Speaker 2:That's great. I'm so proud of you. You're going up to 5'2".
Speaker 1:I'm 5'6" currently. Oh, so I'm actually going to do 5'8".
Speaker 2:I told you, you can fix anything you want.
Speaker 1:I think 5'8". It's not ostentatious. You won't look like you're all legs. Yeah, my frame won't support six foot, which was my original goal.
Speaker 2:I gotcha. I'm proud of you, man. That's good for you, thanks. Have you seen a therapist recently, though, before doing that? No, I stopped going years ago. I fixed everything. They said being short was okay and you're like, I'll show you, I'll show you All right. So that, going into that, you know, keeping yourself on an Island, and you might not have that, that imposter syndrome. You might just feel like you're on an island because this industry is full of other guys that are undercutting you, other contractors that are hurting you, crews that are stealing from you, like there are so many things that will hold you down in this, and when you stay on the same track and you're just laying on the ground, getting kicked once a week, over and over again, for two, three, four, eight, ten years, I just got the best visual.
Speaker 1:It's like going to work. You're just like all over and over again for two, three, four, eight, 10 years. I just got the best visual. It's like going to work. You're just like, all right, going to work. Do, do, do and you just lay down on the ground.
Speaker 2:People taking tickets. Yeah, it's like a Tim Robinson skit. But what do you do to manage that? Like what, loneliness-wise, what are you to counteract that when you're in that Cause? I mean, we've all got into those those seasons, right. Like what? How do you get out of them? But also, like, what are you doing to keep those seasons as shallow as possible and and identify an exit?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mine has nothing to do with with work at all. It's, um, when I'm feeling like that, I proactively will schedule times with people to like have coffee or lunch or go throw a Frisbee, like something, with a friend, a family member and like just that alone, where you not even hey, I want to meet and talk about work, but just like schedule an hour. You know you're gonna blow an hour on Instagram on the toilet anyway. Go hang out with a friend and just be with that person. Yeah, you'd be shocked at the day that you have after that, like just having that human interaction and someone fill you up and it's like has nothing to do with work, it's not.
Speaker 1:My value to this person has nothing to do with what I do for work, it has everything to do with this interpersonal relationship. That means something to them. It means something to me. It's a beautiful thing and it fixes. It fixes that None of us are on an island. We put ourselves there. We feel like, when things are getting hard, that there's just like, well, I have to stay here on this island until I fix it.
Speaker 2:Hey, come to this side of the island. No, no, no, I'm on my own. Yeah, I can't.
Speaker 1:I obviously can't you see me, you look at me over here, I can't.
Speaker 2:Do you want to go play pickleball?
Speaker 1:No, I told you I couldn't possibly I don't have an hour to play pickleball with you.
Speaker 2:I'm figuring out where AI is going and how I can be scared about it. There's a lot of conspiracies that are actually true, almost all of them. I think the the time away from this is good. I think that's why we have the client engagement agreement, our work hours, even the one-man shows. I'm like you have to use this part and double down on it.
Speaker 2:Listen, I know we're renovating your home and this is the most stressful time and this is all consuming in your world. This is me day in and day out, and so for me to give you my best, monday through Friday, is I need to recharge my batteries at night and on the weekends, and if I can take time off and spend time with my wife and kids, I can go golfing with my buds. If I can do the stuff to recharge my batteries, that gets me fully focused on Monday morning when I'm on your job site. So and I I swear I used to do this when it was, I was a one man show with homeowners, and this is why it's in the CEA and why why we coach all of our guys on it of you say this to a customer like that makes so much sense, absolutely Right, and so finding to isolate a time that's like. This is when I work separate out. This is when I'm not working and I'm not.
Speaker 2:If you, if you got to do some extra work on saturday, great, get up at six. Be done by nine. Play with the kids starting at nine.
Speaker 1:Don't email your clients don't if, if you do schedule, send it. Yes, because you can't break that boundary. Yeah, because then they get to break that boundary yeah, so it's finding time with friends, family.
Speaker 2:If you don't have either one of those, get a puppy, puppy, get it. No, but for real, like go, what do you like doing? Like I was, we're moving into a new neighborhood and I was, like you know, I want to meet some people in this neighborhood. I joined the pickleball league, like they're in a league that all around Atlanta and I'm joining the team to like I'm going to meet some guys in this neighborhood so I get some friends in this new place that we're moving to. There's all sorts of stuff like that that you can find. Find a hobby, like find people that do it and sign up to join somewhere. Right, just get out of your little going home to play video games so you can have a beer and fall asleep like that. Get out of that rotation and get. Get into some sort of a community.
Speaker 2:I mean, honestly, one of my favorite things is the community within pro struck 360 of when we go on those retreats in january. We all hang out, we all like understand, like, oh, you're struggling with that too. How do you do that? Oh, you're doing adus, what? Tell me more how you got into that? Oh, remember you were. You were talking to everybody about va loans because you just landed one or made some good money. Like how do you do va loans? Va loans Like what do we? Who do we got to get in with? And still like you're still following up with those guys and they're texting you back because we were all in the retreat together Right, we've got a retreat text group. That's there.
Speaker 2:So there's stuff like that that find the community takes effort. It's getting into a community. It's not I'm going to just turn into being a part of a community. It takes effort to join a community and to make the effort on your end to get into it. So I think that's one of the big things with the work-life balance and trying to find enjoyment and pleasure outside of here, because there's often not a ton of enjoyment and pleasure day in and day out here, but we want to find it. We want to get enjoyment and pleasure here, and a lot of what we do in the coaching side is systemizing and planning, so this is enjoyable. There's nothing better to me to walking a finer final renovation or an addition and standing in a beautiful thing that you created. Right. That's what I've enjoyed about being a contractor, right? I don't like a lot of the stuff that I got to deal with, but the homeowner that's moving their kid into that, that, that new addition because they just had a baby and like helping them build that home, that's fun, that's enjoyable. It get pleasure out of that and enjoy joy, the journey and make it. If we're following the systems and processes that we lay out, it's a fun ending of the job. Most guys are having a really unfun ending. It's a crap. How do I get as much money and bail on the rest of this type mentality as opposed to. I want to, I can't wait to the final day of this renovation and, and you know, hug these clients and walk out of here, right. So trying to find value in both those.
Speaker 2:I think the one of the other things of managing loneliness is setting realistic goals. I said earlier, a lot of guys are looking to be on step 100 and like I got to do this and you know I, my buddy's, done this and I think you know I'm not doing, I'm not doing a lot of business on renovation, so I think I'm going to switch to doing like commercial new construction. It's like, no, you can't. No know, we're not chasing a shiny ball. Let's stay where we're at. Let's not go to step 100. Let's look at step two and three. Let's look at how we're organizing and planning out what's in front of you, so then you can say yes to the next. Let's take those steps.
Speaker 2:And one of the best parts of the coaching side, too, is listen. Here's the three things I need you to do this month, can you do these? Or by the next time we meet, depending on what level you're on on the coaching, and two weeks when they come back together, can you get these three things done? Yeah, absolutely. And I'm getting emails throughout the week hey, this is done. Can you look over it? Hey, what about this? What do you think about this?
Speaker 2:That sort of thing is, if you get this done by by the two week mark, relax, you're there, you're taking steps towards growth, right, and having those bite-sized steps of like, great, like, when they look back six months later, like I've got my systems, I've got how I exit jobs, I've got how my job runs from start to finish. I I've. I've gone from half my clients hating me to really about 5% of my clients don't have the best experience, but that's going to be because they are that type of person, but 95% of them are very happy and enjoyable. It's a fun renovation. You start seeing those start trickling and changing when you start organizing and doing a lot of these processes that we're trying to put in place. So getting those real estate goals, bite-sized pieces of success, I think, is super helpful in managing loneliness.
Speaker 2:I think when you shut off the phone is major. I got one guy that I coach that works seven days a week and I've said, hey, what are you doing with your kids this weekend? Hey, what are you doing with your wife this weekend? When are you doing it? When's date night Right? And so part of it is, I know that you're obsessed with your job and you're. You know, even the guys that are doing well are like you know, like if my marriage makes it, we'll see. But my company will make it. Because I'm in full control of that Right and that mentality, mindset of like, what are your priorities Right and why are you doing this? Well, I'm doing this for my kids, my family. You just told me it might not, your family might not make it.
Speaker 2:Well, my marriage might not Okay, so you're not working on something that's going to protect your children. They're going to be grown up with two two separate households because you're spending all this time focusing on work. Like I'm not a as a coach, I'm not like work first. I'm like work, third works, fourth works, fifth Well, let's, and we're going to spend more time doing that than most anything else in life, but it's not the top priority just because it's the top spender of my time, yeah, right.
Speaker 2:And so how do we balance that? How do we look at that and realign what? And, honestly, I've done that a lot in the past year and a half, two years of like, why am I? Why am I running so hard? Like, why am I doing this? Like let me enjoy coaching coach, and let me let me downshift a little bit, cause my kids are turning into teens. And like, how do I build more space there? Like I'm moving into a house that's got a building in the back that I'll be working out of, so I can be there for lunch, right, like, how do we downshift our priorities to where it's not downshifting our growth, but but the way we're organizing and building our companies are focused around the things that bring us joy and fulfillment and help us be present in our families lives.
Speaker 2:So that's a soapbox that I that I just got on, but I think that's that's something that I've learned the hard way throughout this of like I can run as hard as I can at a company that's not fulfilling me, as hard as I can at a company that's not fulfilling me, and if I ignore the kids, if I ignore the wife, so I can make an extra couple of dollars, what, why, where? Where is that? Where is that enjoyment coming to me? Cause a couple extra dollars going on vacation by yourself is not as fun as not going on vacation but sitting at the pool with your kids and wife, right? So reorganizing some of that stuff, seeking support I think there's kind of a couple of different ways. We've covered some of that, but mentorship, peer groups, counseling and coaching. I think those are the spots that.
Speaker 2:Finding a community, finding a mentor, like James said, like find someone who's been there and just get coffee with them.
Speaker 2:Like I don't care if you you're religious or not, find a church and that of people you like and just get in that community for a little while. Like go to places where you can meet people that might be a couple step, steps ahead of you, to where, hey, would you mind getting coffee with me? Like I'd love to just pick your brain on how you're, cause you seem like your wife loves you and your kids love you and you're fairly successful, and I want that. Yeah, and you'd be surprised how many guys are like I'd love to imprint that, like I'd love to help you Right, cause there is something I that's my pleasure in, why I'm doing the coaching side. Like I love seeing that growth in guys and I love being like, ah, you started here and now you're here and now you're making your hire, now you're, you're, you're going on those vague, like to see that health happen is human, and like something that I think we all love to be able to be a small piece of.
Speaker 1:And I think if you just you'd be surprised that how many people will say yes to coffee. Yeah, so I think that's a good one, and if they don't, it's okay. Yeah, I've had somebody and this kind of messed me up, because there was this guy that I was like man I'd like to.
Speaker 2:No, I've had the same experience.
Speaker 1:It's like man, I'd love to get coffee with you. Honestly, I'm not looking for somebody to be like my mentor, every, you know, like once a week or once a month type thing, but I'd love somebody I can like talk with about this stuff. You've been there, you've kind of put stuff together and he didn't want to trade secret, sorry, and it was like it. Honestly, it was like one of those things where he was like oh, oh man uh, and I in in hindsight, I think he was dealing with imposter syndrome, uh yeah, he had this really profitable, like really big business doing really great things, and then having somebody be like, can you rub off on me a little bit?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was just like no, you don't want this. Yeah, you know, and it and that was. I look back on that I'm like, oh, that's kind of sad. Like I feel like at this point if somebody, if some like kid from college reached out to me and was like I want to know how you got to where you are and like I'm not even. I'm not, I'm doing my own thing, it's it, it is what it is.
Speaker 2:You don't own that yacht yet.
Speaker 1:I don't own a yacht, I don't have this great thing, but I'm doing my own thing and my I'm getting to spend a lot of time with my wife and my new baby and like that's great. If some kid asked me how to do that, I would be overjoyed to spend time with them and just impart whatever wisdom I think I've gained over the years. And so, thinking about it from that standpoint, you're really blessing somebody. Yeah, not just wanting something from them. It's enjoyable.
Speaker 2:Like you get something out of it. I don't know what it is. I don't know what the name of it is. I'm sure there's some clinical name, but like I've done that out of it, I don't know what it is, I don't know what, what the name of it is. I'm sure there's some clinical name, but like I I've done that plenty of times Like I've got some friends whose kids are graduating high school right now, and one of one of them was like hey, can I just? I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing for college and life and like would you mind having breakfast with me? I was like yeah, no, no, I'm like I'd love to help you, like I want to help, but it was. It felt like an not obligation, but I wasn't like jumping for joy. I didn't know the kid, I hadn't met his. I'm hung out with his dad in 10 years, yeah, and so I met with them and I was like this is so fun, do you want to do it again? Like, like I got something like joy out of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he was like no yeah, honestly, could you get the check? I gotta go. No, but. But I had this same story when I was starting pro strike five, six, seven years ago, and it was just an idea, thinking like I want to, like what's my next move? I want to, I want to go off and start doing this. I asked a guy who's fairly successful in doing something similar not the, not not coaching, but something similar and I, I and I sent him a text message. I talked to him fairly recently so I was like, oh cool, I've kind of got a door. We had a conversation recently about doing some investing in properties and flipping homes, Anyways.
Speaker 1:Sounds illicit, sounds illegal yeah.
Speaker 2:Then I sent him a text message. I was like hey man. I was like I am looking to start a company. I'm not looking for an investment, I'm not looking for any partnerships or anything. I literally would just love to pick your brain on how you got to where you're at and if you have any advice for where I'm going. I just love it, I enjoy hanging out when we do see each other and like I think it'd be fun to get get lunch with you.
Speaker 2:His, his text back literally was like yeah, I love to help. Why don't you send me an email with a list of what you're looking to do and I'll respond? And I was like okay, I can, I can that. I sent him an email. He sent me like a two sentence email back and I was like message received, got it, but but again, like you, gotta, you don't know other people's baggage, you don't know where they're at, you don't know their imposter syndrome and it's okay, like that's fine. Like you don't want to give that time and you don't find that valuable and maybe and maybe it's just a not.
Speaker 1:It's like they don't have the wherewithal to be like. It's a no, for right now I, I don't have space. I don't have any space in my life.
Speaker 2:He could be, his wife could be sick, I don't know. I wasn't offended by it, but I was shocked a little bit. I mean, we've worked together a lot and we've done a lot of stuff and I've made you a lot of money on flipping, like, okay, that's fine. But I've had way more yeses. I think that's one of the few no's that I've had, but I think I do that as much as I can when I'm thinking of something or trying to go something like get imprinted from older, wiser people that have been there before and don't take their word as gospel, but just take it all in and assess it. Take the meat, leave the bone yeah, exactly. So I think that getting in in community, finding people outside of this industry and in this industry, commiserate, don't go and be victims together, but like it's it I first. Coaching sessions are always like so I'm not the only one clark and I'm like yeah, no, like this is a lot of people in this industry Like you're doing better.
Speaker 2:I met with a kid out of out of Birmingham and he was like how am I? And I was like bro, you are like you're going, like this is good, like let's pour some gas on this fire You're doing. He's like really good, awesome, good, that's good to know. But like, yeah, you should be proud of what you've built so far. Like a lot of a lot of guys like that of they want to understand where they're at, which is great, like I love being that. That that mirror. Like, hey, listen, this is what's going on. They're they're contracting therapists right, this is what you're like, you're good at this, let's fix this. Like this is the hole that I see. Like let finding others influence that are positive. I think, surrounding yourself with positive people, like-minded, uh, that are growing and taking care of the important relationships wives, kids, husbands, parents, whoever it is that that is around you put that those things.
Speaker 2:I might have less time with my wife and kids than I do at the office. They are 10 times a priority of the office and I will. I will cancel a meeting and head home if they need me, right, like that is the priority. Yeah, over what I'm doing. So reprioritize, find the community. Find a freaking therapist. Come, if you can get a Ford coach, and we started 500 bucks for the first. Like come and get some sort of outsider's opinion and view that's done it before, that's been there before, and that's here to help you and let like, let us work with you, let's, let's, let's get you on the path. And for me, if you need 30 minutes of my time, go to our website, sign up on my calendar. I'll give you 30 minutes and there's no cost.
Speaker 1:Yeah just send me an email with kind of what you need and I'll reply to it.
Speaker 2:I'll reply to that email, not like legit. I love doing it. So if you want 30 minutes, let's talk, no obligation, like I absolutely love doing that with guys and kind of sending them on a direction. But don't be lonely, don't, don't victimize yourself and don't beat yourself up and and choose the island. Right, let's go beyond that and let's let's actually take the steps towards getting off that island and getting a community. So don't choose the island, don't choose the island. I like that. Any final, final, final notes on that? I think that's it's pretty good. No, no notes, no notes, no notes at all at all. Wow, that's good. So, yeah, well, thanks for listening. Like I said, go to proshark360.com. Go to contact us if you want software, if you want coaching, if you want anything. I'm here to help. Uh, we'd love to chat with you. Uh, proshark360.com. All right, we'll see you all next week. Bye, bye, bye, bye.
